Spell for Bruce and Mary

This Love Spell can bring the right one, or the one for right now!

Ingredients needed: honey mustard, spinach, black strap molasses

I was taking my 2:00 am stroll for inspiration down aisle five when I ran into my gym instructor, Bruce. He was looking very dapper, yet very down.

"Que pasa Bruce?", I asked.

" Oh it goes like hell. I've been out clubbing all night and I completely struck out" said Bruce. "What does a fella have to do to get laid in this town?"

"Bruce, how vulgar! No wonder you couldn't pick anyone up. Here, eat some of this." I said opening a jar of honey mustard. "Alleged to introduce the attributes of chivalry to even the worst of brutes."

Bruce stuck his pinkie in the jar and put a tad of honey mustard under his tongue. "Thanks I can use all the help I can get. I don't know, lately all this he-man stuff is striking out big time. How can I become more of the strong silent type. Those guys were scoring all night long."

I snipped a few spinach leaves off the produce rack and popped them in his mouth. "Well here's the strong. I'm not sure how to do silent. Let's see, there's masking tape in aisle seven-"

"Oh yeah", interrupted Bruce, "it's on sale next to the assorted nuts and bolts which are only $1.69 a-."

"Bruce will you shut up. Let a witch think for goddess sake! Oh I know let's use some black strap molasses. It's very scorpionic. Scorpios know how to be secretive and silent and they're sexy besides."

Bruce ran ahead of me to aisle four, grabbed a large jar of black strap molasses, twisted it open, and dropped a large dollop in his mouth. He puckered up his face and scowled.

"Bruce dear, that needs to go in your pocket. Kind of as a talisman for good luck and good behavior." I smiled. I reached over and picked a small jar off the shelf and handed it to him.

He sheepishly wiped his mouth and placed the small jar in his pocket. No sooner had he done so when my friend Mary rounded the corner from the candy aisle. She was holding a six pack of mint gum, a roll of assorted fruit filled candies, and looked stunning in a Dior knock-off silver sequined gown. She donned six inch stiletto heels and a face full o' Mac.¹

"Oh my god is it still the witching hour?" shouted Mary. She was very bold, in fact two thirds of our neighborhood swore up and down that Mary was the true reincarnation of May West. (May West died in 1980, Mary was born in 1971. Thus, if this is true, one of them was walking around with out a soul for the last nine years. In my professional opinion it is more likely that Mary has been possessed by the spirit of May West.)

Noticing Bruce behind me she asked "And who is this delicious man? "

Bruce did not respond ~ less out of demureness and more out of having molasses still stuck to his teeth. I made the introductions.

"Bruce this is Mary. Mary, Bruce."

"Well Bruce, it's enchanting to meet you. I just popped in for a quick fix to bewitch. You see I've been out in the clubs all night and I completely struck out. What does it take for a doll to get lucky in this town? I mean there were a few pushy guys who tried to hit on me, but I'm after more of the strong silent type. Y'know what I mean Bruce," she said entwining her arm in his. "I think there's an after hours club down in the meat market. We could have one drink, a dance or two, but then I would insist you take these tired little tootsies home."

Bruce nodded flashing some pearls. He no longer cared about the molasses still sticking to his teeth. For Bruce, as he is a picky Virgo by nature, that meant LOVE!

Mary flicked a look over her shoulder while paying for her products and called out: "Thanks Witchy-poo. I owe you one."

"Forget it Mary, this one's on the house. Bruce, I'll see you in church² on Sunday," I called out but I do not believe he heard me.

Mary's voice bantered on though the automatic doors: "Oh what developed forearms you have. And what's that in your pocket dear. Are you a kleptomaniac or just happy to meet me."

I saw Bruce make a B-line in the direction of his apartment.

Smiling, I paid for the opened honey mustard, spinach, one small and one large jar of molasses. Then I went home to record another successful spell in my grimoire.³